Punching Canadians before hockey games: Admittedly we're new at this, but we're already better.
Garnering some sort of respect from other countries: Maybe don't put your police in furry red coats.
Remembering the Alamo: It's not even close.
Not killing off old, sick people: We are so much better at not smothering sick people with a pillow.
Rap music: Who's your best rapper, Avril Lavigne?
Being nice to straight-shooting psychologists who talk like Kermit the Frog: He's with us now.
Cooking tacos: Absolute superiority.
Not speaking French: America is dominant at not speaking other languages.
Eating hot dogs: Not a single Canuck out there who can wolf down 60 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Sad!
Saying the word "about": Y'all are so bad at this.
Having homes that aren't made out of ice: We are incredible at not living in igloos.